SLAM! The front door closes, and a second later, Maya is in the kitchen, tears streaming down her face, and words tumbling out of her mouth. "Rachel was so so so so mean to me at recess! She wouldn't let me play with her and Sophia and—"

"Did you try asking the teacher for help?" her mom interrupts as she continues chopping vegetables.

“No, but – “.

“Next time, try asking the teacher and see what happens. Anyway, I am sure this will all blow over by tomorrow,” continues her mother as she adds the vegetables to the barley soup she’s making for supper, “do you want something to drink?”

“I’m not thirsty, Maya says softly as she turns around and traipses upstairs to her bedroom.

Sound familiar? It took years of working with families as a behavioral therapist—and plenty of my own parenting trial and error—to realize that all too often, as parents, we have it completely backwards. Our children do not need us to fix their problems. They need us actually to hear them first.

What is Empathetic Listening?

In my behavioral OT practice, I see parents struggling with this constantly. They think listening means waiting for their turn to give advice. But real empathetic listening? That's listening to hear the feelings behind your child's words, not just the story they're telling.

Your body language matters. Your facial expressions matter; whether you put your phone down matters.

This isn't some new trend, by the way. Not coddling. Not permissive parenting. Not new-age fluff. From a nervous system perspective, when we truly attune to our children's emotional state, we're actually helping regulate their stress response. It's neuroscience, not wishful thinking.

Why I'm So Passionate About Teaching This

Here's what I've observed over years of working with families: not only does empathetic listening build emotional trust and safety, but it supports language development, emotional regulation, and resilience.

Most parents skip right over this step. They jump straight to problem-solving mode because who doesn’t want to make everything better for their child? But that’s not necessarily what our children need. In the courses I teach through OTIYP, this is always where parents have their most significant breakthrough moments. Everything changes once they experience the difference between hearing words and truly listening.

The POWER Method (My Go-To Framework)

I developed this acronym because parents need something concrete to remember in the heat of the moment:

P - Pause before responding

O - Open body language

W - Watch for hidden emotions

E - Echo their words and feelings

R - Refrain from fixing or dismissing

Pause Before You Respond

This goes against every parenting instinct we have, doesn't it? We want to jump in and make it better. But that pause—even just three seconds—signals to your child that what they say deserves your full consideration.

Open Body Language

In my workshops, I tell parents to imagine their child is the most important client they'll ever meet. You'd put everything down, face them fully, and get on their level. Your posture has already said a lot before you even open your mouth.

Watch for Hidden Emotions

What’s your child’s tone? Are they speaking at their usual pace? Or maybe they are hesitating. All these are clues that often reveal more than words.

Echo (Mirror) Their Words and Feelings

Saying "That sounds really frustrating" shows that you understand.

Refrain from Fixing or Dismissing

This one makes parents squirm. Every fiber of your being wants to offer solutions or reassurance. Resist. Just be present with their experience first.

Here’s a handy visual for you to use:

Want more practical tools like these? Learn more inside our parent communication courses.

The Changes I See in Families

In my practice, when parents master empathetic listening, I watch relationships transform:

Kids start bringing their parents bigger problems because they trust they'll be heard, not lectured. The power struggles decrease dramatically. Parents stop feeling like they're constantly putting out fires and can stay calm (mostly!) and connected during stressful moments. Your child learns communication skills that last into adulthood.

One mom in my last course told me her teenage son actually started coming to her kitchen after school to talk. She'd been trying to force conversations for years, but he began opening up naturally once she learned to listen without immediately offering solutions.

Start Messily, Expect Imperfection

This is about practice, not perfection. But here’s something you can implement right away. Pick one conversation this week—maybe bedtime or the car ride home from school—and practice just listening.

This is precisely the practical skill-building we focus on in OTIYP courses. Real strategies for real families, taught by someone who's been in the trenches both professionally and personally.

Frequently Asked Questions.

You've got questions? We've got answers.

What is empathetic listening in parenting?

Empathetic listening is the practice of tuning in to your child's feelings - not just their words - and responding with validation and understanding.

How do I become a more empathetic listener?

Focus fully, mirror their emotions, and resist interrupting or fixing. Let your body language and words show that you care.

Why is empathetic listening important for kids?

It helps children feel safe, seen, and emotionally supported, which builds trust and supports regulation.

What's the difference between active listening and empathetic listening?

Active listening focuses on comprehension; empathetic listening adds emotional resonance and attunement.

Can nonverbal cues show empathy?

Yes. Eye contact, open posture, gentle nodding, and facial expressions all help communicate care and presence.

OTIYP's online courses help you turn everyday moments into powerful connections. Start learning today.

Empathy and Brain Function
Decety, J., & Jackson, P.L. (2006).
The Functional Architecture of Human Empathy.
Neuropsychologia, 44(8), 1133–1145.
→ Shows the neurological basis for empathetic response and how mirroring builds connection.

Listening and Emotional Safety in Children
Siegel, D.J., & Hartzell, M. (2003).
Parenting from the Inside Out.
→ Foundational parenting neuroscience resource; supports reflective and empathetic listening.